No expectations, just expression...enjoy!!!
NEJEE!
"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science. ". Albert Einstein
it is difficult to say goodbye. difficult to anticipate it too. to love someone with your heart wide open knowing full well that the love will be all you ever have to hold onto, the souvenir of life lived. without pause I thank the infinite knowledge of history and the entity larger than the universe... I thank the sky for my life. for me, the simple example of chance embodied, my singularity that allows me to act as if separate from the whole, for the heart that holds tightly to the idea that I am who I think I am, the heart that reaches out, cries for connection.
lou reed sang best how I felt these last few days, "such a perfect day, I'm glad I spent it with you". the malleability of time extends and compresses my mind's image of how much time has actually passed since I've been walking on the camino. the lucidity and the liquidity of the experience, real time is a thing of a different world. this time is of the body, the heart, the light and the dark.
I sat in a church watching the evening light fall on santo Domingo de la calzada, watching the swallows dart around in the tall ceiling, sometimes finding their way right out the door. Just one graceful swoop and out of the church through the old wooden portal. listening intently to the Spanish rolling around in the echos between ancient, cool stones, two voices bouncing around like balls against and off the walls, swatted by the hands of the older and the younger men, asking, receiving, exchanging. frontón.
in the breath and in the smiles, in the touch of hands, in the eyes--truly beyond the spoken word-- I have found connections. I have found care and consideration. I have shared deep moments without palabras. laughs and tears. I feel as though I am these windows made of stone, crystal, cut thin to allow illumination and showing the deep dark veins, filtering into the interior golden sunlight.
i do not feel cold. I must remember not to take the coldness from others. I must not try to warm them for I must keep myself intact. in this I mean I must not give myself away so easily, given away into nothingness. like the sheep and the grazers all, a grassy meadow may seem plentiful and unending, but without tending to it will be eaten, roots and all, to the earth alone. dirt and dust. mud and oil. these things I do not feel I am. I am resonating with the birds songs, I am laughing with the streams and heart colorful and full of butterflies and flowers. my brain is the bells of the cathedrals, chiming in time, reminding me it's still here, even in the meditation of the stride, the sweeping up and weeping (down) of moments colliding with emotional expression. "this is who you are, where you are, all there is is now, choose to love yourself, smile for one hour no cheating..."
I will always love, I will continue. i choose to love myself. repeat, repeat, repeat.
with a broken thing there is the possibility of renewal. the materials, the essence of what the thing was made of, these things can be reused. i can rebuild it, I have the technology. simplicity, the possibility, the magic of something set into action on a course meant for good, meant for the right reasons, I have had the perfect day. from start to finish and even the dreams predicting it before hand, the entire day just perfect. filled with magic. curiosity, intention, patience, humor, and of course, love... love of life, joie de vivre, the c'est la vie of rainbows and whales in the clouds, of reaching your destination and having a parade, a party, a concert in the street you happen to be walking down simultaneous with your arrival in this place you've never been. so so grateful.
thank you. everything is so beautiful. I couldn't ask for more. my heart is still learning not to hold so tightly, just to let the fire burn, heat, explode, dissipate, as a fireball in two hands in the night, while the pilgrims sleep. last. sharing small moments, sharing sweets and savories, sardinas y clalmaries, bread and wine and chocolate. love is what surrounds us, love is what's inside of us, love is expression without exact definition, artisans on the road, singing loud and singing soul, coexisting on the camino, all roads different, leading to the same place,
sometimes not ready to say goodbye, life lessons make hearts stronger, and I know that's why I came...
so thank you.